Just One More Print

There comes a time in every outdoorsman’s life when he realizes, with equal parts pride and concern, that the walls of his home have quietly become a gallery dedicated to dogs, ducks, grouse, and the occasional fishing adventure immortalized in watercolor.

It happens gradually. One framed memory becomes two. Two become six. Before long, your wife is standing in the hallway, hands on hips, surveying a collection that has spread through the house like phragmites in a marsh.

“We have entirely too many prints in this house.”

To her credit, she may have a point. There are more portraits of dogs than people. The painting of the English Pointer still hangs in the living room despite the fact we’ve never owned an English Pointer. And somewhere nearby, a mallard is eternally cupping into a decoy spread.

Over the years, through trial, error, and a few strategic apologies, I’ve developed a set of tactics for bringing home new artwork while maintaining domestic harmony. In the interest of helping fellow outdoorsmen preserve both their marriages and their wall space, I offer this field guide.

1. The Light Test Maneuver
Hold up the print and say, “Look how it changes the room’s natural light.” It won’t, but confidence is everything.

2. Introduce It as a Temporary Guest
Claim you’re just storing it for a friend. A month later, shrug and say, “Well, it seems happy here.”

3. The Old Dog Shuffle

Insist the new portrait is one of your dogs “when he was younger.” Ignore any evidence to the contrary.

4. The Home Improvement Diversion
Install something slightly crooked. While she’s fixing it, quietly hang the print behind her.

5. Claim It Was a Bundle Deal
Explain the print came free with something you actually needed. A dog whistle. A book. A frame. Details are unimportant.

6. Invoke the Algorithm Defense
“I didn’t buy it, the algorithm bought it.” Modern problems require modern excuses.

7. Slip It Into Other Discussions
During conversations about home projects or family plans, casually mention where the new print should go. Confusion buys valuable time.

8. Declare It Educational
Explain the dogs need visual aids for studying bird behavior. Nobody will believe you, but it sounds official.

9. Hide It in Plain Sight
Use matching frames and similar artwork. Like birds in a covey, one more often goes unnoticed.

10. The Delayed Reveal Strategy
Hang it in the mudroom or gear room. By the time it’s discovered, it has established residency.

In my defense (and possibly yours), prints are more than decorations, they are reminders. They point us back to frosty mornings, grouse flushes, duck blinds, and dogs that left muddy paw prints on both our floors and our hearts.

Our wives may question why we need another painting of a bird dog or another marsh scene, but they understand what we see in them. They know those frames hold memories. So we keep bringing them home. We hang them a little crooked, and we smile when we pass them. We remember a great dog, a memorable hunt, or a retrieve that still gets better every time we tell the story.

And if that means finding room for one more print, well, I hope she’ll forgive me. Perhaps, she will let me hang one more.

Art by Rebecca Proctor