Etiquette Guide: Tips for Ladies & Gentlemen

Q&A with Emmy-nominated host and sought after etiquette connoisseur Holly Holden

Holly Holden is a distinguished interior designer with more than 35 years of experience creating timeless, traditional interiors for clients worldwide. She is the Emmy-nominated host and executive producer of the PBS series You Are Cordially Invited, author of two design books, and creator of the Holly Holden Collection. A sought-after speaker on gracious living,

Holly shares her expertise through her Secrets to Lovely Living newsletter and Instagram, while dividing her time between historic Fox Hall in Connecticut and Palm Beach’s Worth Avenue. Throughout these pages, you’ll find Holly’s expertise on everything from Derby Hat Dos to Wedding Guest Don’ts. So, whether you’re a bonafide lady or a gentleman in training, we encourage you to take a moment to get to know this great American treasure.

Q: What is one of the most common etiquette myths you wish people would finally let go of, and what’s the real rule behind it?

Holly Holden: One of the biggest myths is that etiquette is stuffy, elitist, or highbrow. In reality, etiquette is simply about kindness, consideration, and civility. Good manners create ease in social situations and can open doors that education alone cannot. At its heart, etiquette is about making others feel comfortable and valued.

Q: In your experience, what is the biggest modern-day etiquette mistake people make without realizing it?

HH: The greatest mistake is assuming etiquette is outdated or irrelevant. Manners are not about rigid rules; they are about being gracious and thoughtful in how we engage with others. When we dismiss etiquette, we risk appearing careless or self-centered. Good manners remain a powerful way to build trust, respect, and connection.

Q: How has social media changed the landscape of manners? Are there new “unspoken rules” we should be paying attention to?

HH: Social media has blurred many traditional boundaries, but it hasn’t replaced the fundamentals. A strong handshake, eye contact, handwritten thank-you notes, and thoughtful table manners will always outweigh digital shortcuts. Gracious behavior is learned, and those who understand it stand apart. Without teaching these skills, we create disadvantages for the next generation socially and professionally.

Q: What is one old-world etiquette tradition you believe is worth preserving in today’s fast-paced culture?

HH: The handwritten thank-you note is absolutely worth preserving. It demonstrates effort, thoughtfulness, and genuine appreciation in a way no email can replicate. Equally important is dressing appropriately for an occasion. Both practices show respect for others and for the moment itself, and they quietly set one apart in today’s casual culture. 

Q: When hosting at home, what are the small details that separate a merely nice gathering from a truly gracious one?

HH: Preparation allows a host to relax and truly engage, which is essential. Guests immediately sense warmth, or tension. Greet them joyfully, walk them to the door when they leave, and create intimacy with close seating, soft lighting, and flowing libations. Linen napkins, humor, and an inviting home—never a “don’t touch” museum—make guests linger.

Q: If you could teach everyone just one elegant habit that instantly elevates how they move through the world, what would it be?

HH: Stand tall, make eye contact, and truly listen before speaking. Be interested, and in turn, interesting. These simple habits convey confidence, respect, and presence. When people feel seen and heard, they remember you; and that is elegance in its most powerful and lasting form.

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Quick-Take: Thank You Note Etiquette, according to Holden:

In our hurried, digital world, a handwritten thank-you note has never been more meaningful. It is the highest expression of graciousness: a quiet signal of polish, respect, and good manners. I’ve observed that the busiest, most accomplished people are often the most diligent note writers, because they understand the importance of acknowledging another’s effort.

A note requires thought, paper, ink, and a stamp, unlike an email that vanishes with a click. Write within 48 hours, be specific, and never begin with “I” or “Thank you.” True elegance lies in sincere, personal appreciation.

here's our take on the perfect thank you note:

My dearest Tessa,

What a joy to open such a beautiful birthday surprise. The scarf is exquisite—the colors, the silk, the way it drapes so effortlessly. It feels entirely me, which makes it all the more special.

Each time it’s worn, thoughts will turn to your thoughtfulness and impeccable taste. Your kindness added such loveliness to my day, and that, dear friend, is a gift in itself.

With affection,

Elizabeth Anne

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